A Second Chance

It's amazing the things we take for granted. I guess it's just human nature to sometimes not realize what you have, until it's gone. After Vanessa was born, I still had another year of school to finish. I was VERY stressed. And I will be honest, I don't always handle stress that well. Then, when Vanessa was six months old, I found out I was pregnant again. Um..., not exactly planned. So, then I was really, really stressed. Before I knew it, I had graduated, Evan was born, and Vanessa's first year of life had already passed me by. I took her first several years for granted..., and then they were gone. When I thought I had a second chance with Evan, well, things were just a tad different. :)

But now, years later, with another baby in the picture, it almost feels like I am truly experiencing what it is like to have a baby for the first time. And I am certainly experiencing what it is like to have two children play together for the first time, even if they are six years apart. I have watched Ben like a hawk, since the day he was born, looking for any signs of autism. I have been on pins and needles,waiting, for each milestone to be reached. Every time Ben reaches for me, brings something to me, pretends to talk on the phone, points, waves, acts silly, dances, interacts with Vanessa or another child; I just can't help but feel like I am experiencing something miraculous.

I am not writing this to say that my experiences with Evan have been less remarkable then my experiences with my other two children. My experiences with him are incredibly special, but they are just different. This post is not meant to necessarily be about Evan. I merely just want to express how incredibly grateful I am for being allowed to have a second chance at genuinely experiencing a baby's first years. Second chances are not always easy to come by. Sometimes they just aren't even possible, so I am just trying to get the most out of this one in my life. All those sayings about how we need to cherish the little things..., I finally get it now.