Getting Through Some Negatives, to See All My MANY Blessings

Man, do you ever have one of those days/weeks/months... etc., where you feel like the trials have been piled on a little more than usual?  I am sure we all do right?  I will be honest, and say, the last two weeks have kind of sucked.  Can I use that word?  I guess I am going to vent a little, so I will apologize in advance.  Sorry.  :)

Evan has been having some trouble with his right eye for about two weeks.  Last week he spent most of his days crying with a blanket over his head.  We first thought it was pink-eye, but have come to find out that he actually had a piece of metal lodged in his eye.  We don't know if the piece of metal is still stuck in his eye, but he now has something called a "rust ring" in his eye that needs to be removed regardless.  He is scheduled to have surgery tomorrow.  I have never had any of my children have to go "under" for any medical procedure.  Even though this is a minor procedure, it is still a bit scary for me.  Evan reacts so differently to everything,... anyway just keep him in your prayers.  I am sure everything will be fine.  I am just so thankful that we know what has been causing him so much discomfort, and that now we can get it taken care of.

So, with all that going on, I have also had some ongoing disputes with Evan's school district, teachers, and private therapists.  I don't like to fight.  I don't like to speak up.  I don't like to upset people.  That being said, having Evan has taught me that there definitely are times that require action on my part.  I have to stand up for him because he cannot stand up for himself.

But, as I reflect upon the BYU lecture I posted just a few days ago, I have had to ask myself if I really believe the things the professor said.  I beat myself up a lot for feeling like I don't do nearly enough for Evan.  I can get so down with guilt, sadness, regret..., and then I have to remind myself that these are not the kind of feelings God would want me to have.  Just like anything, I can get so caught up in the negatives, and therefore fail to see the abundant positives in my life.  I can get so caught up in trying to fix Evan, (even though I don't believe that is why God gave me him), and I fail to just see him and his incredibly sweet spirit.  I sometimes look well beyond what is right in front of my face.  I still rely way too much on the world and their opinion of me, instead of just looking to God, and my Savior, Jesus Christ for Their approval.

So, yeah, I still have so much to learn and I am kind of a slow learner.  It becomes clearer to me all the time why God gave me Evan, and in general why God gives any of us challenges.  I have come to believe more and more that our Heavenly Father really does know us and what we need in this life to progress and become better people.

So I guess this entry has become a little bit personal, and a declaration of a portion of my testimony.  Sorry,.. I really didn't intend for this to end up this way.  I guess, in part, this is due to the time of year as well.  I really do have so much to be thankful for,... more than I even realized.